Sunday, January 30, 2011
I don't know if I ever explained to you my title of my blog and why I call it Amy's Adventures in Wonderland. Well, at the time I set this up I was reading Alice in Wonderland. Reading that book is like taking a trip through an insane world. Even though I understand how Lewis Carroll came up with each story within the book and how it had something to do with other things that were happening to them at Oxford, and people they knew at Oxford, I still feel like it was full of insanity. It was a way for a little girl, Alice, to make sense of her adult world through the eyes of a little girl. And, like my professor said, when things don't make sense, (you first think you are going crazy and then) you seem to attach a meaning to it, even if it doesn't make sense. So each of these adventures that Alice created in her dream was a way to make sense of her world. Well, I am constantly going through things that I have to make sense of. My life right now seems like an adventure, or insanity, you get to choose the right terminology. Even at this moment Mark is talking to me from the other room wanting me to have an input into the thesis of his paper for class. Last term I had to help him write papers when I had no background knowledge of the assignment or what the paper was even saying. I had to make sense out of nonsense. This term he is taking Shakespeare. He said, "You are a literature major, what are they talking about?" I am a literature major. I have taken my very first literature class this term. This TERM. I am supposed to know everything about literature because I wrote down on a sheet of paper that I want to major in it? Now I know how Adele felt when she was in her first year of Nursing School and she was asked questions about health issues. She would just bullshit her way through the answer. She would act like she knew the answer and then the person thought she was genius. I know I've bullshitted my way through many things in my life and at my work. People don't need to know you don't know things if you can bullshit your way through. Anyway, my adventures through this world of wonder consists of living through my first year of college, Mark's first year of college, my daughter getting married, my sister realizing she is mentally ill and the things she is remembering is not reality, my friends going through cancer treatments, my niece realizing her mental illness is not bi-polar but a personality disorder, my sister realizing that her daughter is not bi-polar because if she was she wouldn't think she was, she would think she wasn't, and the duplicity of some of the people at work. Remember, when a person has to make sense of something they first think they are going crazy and then they assign a meaning to it, even if it doesn't make sense. Just so something in their life makes sense. Even though it doesn't. So here's another insane thing that Mark said as I was sitting in the front room writing things down to get ready to write a paper. Now remember...we are both going to the same writing intensive school. A school that is known for being writing intensive...and I AM a LITERATURE major. OK...he said, "Gosh you write a lot. I look at you and you are always writing." Really? And I am serious...he wasn't kidding me. Wasn't being sarcastic. He was being observant and putting me down...or so I felt...for writing so much. The sentence didn't make sense, so I assigned a meaning to it... he was saying, "????????" I have no idea. I sit here and try to make meaning out of it and I just can't. Now he is yelling from the other room. Am I supposed to say something to that? Nope. Now he is in Adam's room talking to him. Thank God. Lisa says I should just speak my mind because people can deal with it, they can take it. I don't agree with her. I don't think people can take it. And also, my eye is still bugging me. I don't think it is allergies. I'm going to see if my eyes can take my contacts tomorrow, and if they can't I'm going back to the eye doc. So I'm sure I will. It has been hurting today. No more itching, just a pain in the back of the eye. It doesn't sound too good does it? We will see tomorrow, though. Maybe I just have a different type of head ache then I have ever had before. My adventures in wonderland will include my (trying to) make sense of so many strange things in my life. If I can't make sense of it, I will first think I am insane and then assign a meaning, even if it makes no sense.