Monday, January 31, 2011
Do you have any reservations about the success of this proposed marriage?
This is the question that I was stuck on when filling out the Canonical Prenuptial Investigation for Adele. Good grief. My feelings about this question was: 1> When do I NOT have reservations about ANYTHING? I'm not a person who sees black and white, my world is full of gray. Meaning...I always can see both sides of everything and cannot make up my mind about things very easily. 2> The success of this proposed marriage? when is a marriage a success? When it lasts the test of time? What is the test? 5 years? 10? 20? 50? How would I know what my daughter and her fiance will be like in 20 years? Or even 10 years for that matter? 3> What parent, in their right mind, doesn't have reservations about the decisions their children make? I wouldn't be me, a worrier, a helicopter parent, if I didn't have reservations about the big decisions my kids make. So lets rephrase that question: Do you have any reservations about the success of this proposed marriage that you would like to announce to the world? NO. Thank you. I'm willing to keep my reservations between myself, my husband, my friends, my co-workers, ...oops. that didn't sound very good. OK, so I talk all the time about my reservations. But I never say anything about how I don't think Adele is too young to get married, or too immature, or that Josh is a bad guy, or that he treats her badly. I always say that I am proud of his family and their values. I always say how much he and Adele seem to love each other. The big complaint I have, and I WILL announce to the world, I DON'T LIKE THAT JOSH SMOKES. No secret there. If he would just quit smoking, I would feel so much better. So, could I write on the Prenuptial Investigation that I have reservations because Josh smokes? Try explaining that one. I don't know how Adele stands it, to be honest. I don't enjoy smelling bad smells. He literally stinks when he comes in from smoking his disgusting cigarette. But, anyway, I will answer that I have no reservations. I believe in my daughter and that she is doing the right thing for herself and her future. That she has faith in Josh that he will be a good provider for her and that income will combine with hers and make a better future for the two of them and their kids-to-be. I put all of this in God's hands. Please let it all work out. Please let the dress be perfect and fit her perfectly. Please let everything go without a hitch, but if there has to be a hitch, make it a good story to tell so we can all laugh. An easy hitch to fix. Do I have any reservations about the success of this proposed marriage? See, I am so wishy washy I still can't say YES or NO to this question. So, to simplify things, I will write, "No". That way I don't have to go into detail and describe why I said YES. Does that make me a bad mom, or a good one?