My eye problem

Still with this stupid eye problem, but it has changed.  The eye drops have helped and I can now wear my contacts. They were pretty sore by the end of the day, though, so I wore my glasses at PERC.  There is a pain behind my eye now.  Dull ache, I guess you would say.  I'm going to see the optho again, hopefully I can make the apt. for Wed.  I have that day off.  I'll let you know what's going on. Thanks for listening. 

Do you have any reservations about the success of this proposed marriage?

This is the question that I was stuck on when filling out the Canonical Prenuptial Investigation for Adele.  Good grief.  My feelings about this question was: 1> When do I NOT have reservations about ANYTHING?  I'm not a person who sees black and white, my world is full of gray.  Meaning...I always can see both sides of everything and cannot make up my mind about things very easily.  2> The success of this proposed marriage? when is a marriage a success? When it lasts the test of time?  What is the test? 5 years? 10? 20? 50?  How would I know what my daughter and her fiance will be like in 20 years? Or even 10 years for that matter?  3> What parent, in their right mind, doesn't have reservations about the decisions their children make?  I wouldn't be me, a worrier, a helicopter parent, if I didn't have reservations about the big decisions my kids make.  So lets rephrase that question: Do you have any reservations about the success of this proposed marriage that you would like to announce to the world?  NO.  Thank you.  I'm willing to keep my reservations between myself, my husband, my friends, my co-workers, ...oops.  that didn't sound very good.  OK, so I talk all the time about my reservations.  But I never say anything about how I don't think Adele is too young to get married, or too immature, or that Josh is a bad guy, or that he treats her badly.  I always say that I am proud of his family and their values.  I always say how much he and Adele seem to love each other.  The big complaint I have, and I WILL announce to the world, I DON'T LIKE THAT JOSH SMOKES.  No secret there.  If he would just quit smoking, I would feel so much better.  So, could I write on the Prenuptial Investigation that I have reservations because Josh smokes?  Try explaining that one.  I don't know how Adele stands it, to be honest.  I don't enjoy smelling bad smells.  He literally stinks when he comes in from smoking his disgusting cigarette.  But, anyway, I will answer that I have no reservations.  I believe in my daughter and that she is doing the right thing for herself and her future.  That she has faith in Josh that he will be a good provider for her and that income will combine with hers and make a better future for the two of them and their kids-to-be.  I put all of this in God's hands.  Please let it all work out.  Please let the dress be perfect and fit her perfectly.  Please let everything go without a hitch, but if there has to be a hitch, make it a good story to tell so we can all laugh.  An easy hitch to fix.  Do I have any reservations about the success of this proposed marriage?  See, I am so wishy washy I still can't say YES or NO to this question.  So, to simplify things, I will write, "No".  That way I don't have to go into detail and describe why I said YES.  Does that make me a bad mom, or a good one?

Wedding Dress Ordered

Adele's wedding dress has been ordered.  I hope it will all work out in the end. I think this is a mistake to buy it this way.  On line.  Picking the color from a picture of a swatch of fabric.  Picking the style of dress without trying one on like it.  I will let you know how it goes.  The dress should be here by March 10th.  We will see. I hope I am wrong.  But if I'm not, it is a $250 mistake that will cost not only money but time.  If it doesn't work out, will there still be time to get another one?  ......................

My adventures

I don't know if I ever explained to you my title of my blog and why I call it Amy's Adventures in Wonderland.  Well, at the time I set this up I was reading Alice in Wonderland.  Reading that book is like taking a trip through an insane world.  Even though I understand how Lewis Carroll came up with each story within the book and how it had something to do with other things that were happening to them at Oxford, and people they knew at Oxford, I still feel like it was full of insanity.  It was a way for a little girl, Alice, to make sense of her adult world through the eyes of a little girl.  And, like my professor said, when things don't make sense, (you first think you are going crazy and then) you seem to attach a meaning to it, even if it doesn't make sense.  So each of these adventures that Alice created in her dream was a way to make sense of her world.  Well, I am constantly going through things that I have to make sense of.  My life right now seems like an adventure, or insanity, you get to choose the right terminology.  Even at this moment Mark is talking to me from the other room wanting me to have an input into the thesis of his paper for class.  Last term I had to help him write papers when I had no background knowledge of the assignment or what the paper was even saying.  I had to make sense out of nonsense.  This term he is taking Shakespeare.  He said, "You are a literature major, what are they talking about?" I am a literature major.  I have taken my very first literature class this term.  This TERM.  I am supposed to know everything about literature because I wrote down on a sheet of paper that I want to major in it? Now I know how Adele felt when she was in her first year of Nursing School and she was asked questions about health issues.  She would just bullshit her way through the answer.  She would act like she knew the answer and then the person thought she was genius.  I know I've bullshitted my way through many things in my life and at my work.  People don't need to know you don't know things if you can bullshit your way through.  Anyway, my adventures through this world of wonder consists of living through my first year of college, Mark's first year of college, my daughter getting married, my sister realizing she is mentally ill and the things she is remembering is not reality, my friends going through cancer treatments, my niece realizing her mental illness is not bi-polar but a personality disorder, my sister realizing that her daughter is not bi-polar because if she was she wouldn't think she was, she would think she wasn't, and the duplicity of some of the people at work.  Remember, when a person has to make sense of something they first think they are going crazy and then they assign a meaning to it, even if it doesn't make sense.  Just so something in their life makes sense. Even though it doesn't.  So here's another insane thing that Mark said as I was sitting in the front room writing things down to get ready to write a paper.  Now remember...we are both going to the same writing intensive school.  A school that is known for being writing intensive...and I AM a LITERATURE major.  OK...he said, "Gosh you write a lot. I look at you and you are always writing."  Really?  And I am serious...he wasn't kidding me.  Wasn't being sarcastic.  He was being observant and putting me down...or so I felt...for writing so much.  The sentence didn't make sense, so I assigned a meaning to it... he was saying, "????????" I have no idea.  I sit here and try to make meaning out of it and I just can't.  Now he is yelling from the other room.  Am I supposed to say something to that?  Nope.  Now he is in Adam's room talking to him. Thank God.  Lisa says I should just speak my mind because people can deal with it, they can take it.  I don't agree with her.  I don't think people can take it.  And also, my eye is still bugging me.  I don't think it is allergies.  I'm going to see if my eyes can take my contacts tomorrow, and if they can't I'm going back to the eye doc.  So I'm sure I will.  It has been hurting today.  No more itching, just a pain in the back of the eye.  It doesn't sound too good does it?  We will see tomorrow, though.  Maybe I just have a different type of head ache then I have ever had before.  My adventures in wonderland will include my (trying to) make sense of so many strange things in my life.  If I can't make sense of it, I will first think I am insane and then assign a meaning, even if it makes no sense. 

I'm hungry

I'm going to go get something to eat now.  I am going to put a movie on and eat some left over pizza.  Adele posted her food intake for the day on Web MD. Crap, a sandwich wrap at appleby's is over 1000 calories.  Insane!  I'm very proud of Adele, she is sticking with her exercise and diet plan. Good Job Honey!  Incentives work great, don't they?  You say bribery I say incentives, potato pototo.  Whatever.  it works.

Adele's wedding plans

Last weekend Adele and I ordered the wedding cake.  Wonderful place! Wonderful cake!  Just happens to be the same place Tracy got their cake for their wedding.  Cool.  Today Mark ordered her dress.  I hope it wasn't a mistake.  I don't feel right about it, but what can you do?  She has to make her own mistakes, I guess.  I don't feel right about a lot of this, but I am just an emotional mom and I don't get to...have these feelings.  Or if I do, I can't express them.  Or if I express them, I can only express them to my friends who will listen and not judge, or fret.  Lisa told me I bottled things up too much.  I know I do.  I have to in order to get through to the next day, and the next, and the next... What good would it do to express my real feelings about things?  No good what-so-ever.  I would just hurt people, and then eventually hurt me. Because I hurt when I hurt people.  No good can become of it.  Still pissed off about the stupid math test.

math test

I am so mad that I got a 70% on my math test.  I had that question right and then I changed it!  Damnit!  It was -3 and then I went back and tried to check my answer to see if it was right, just like they suggest that you do on-line, so I tried to check it.  It didn't check out with that answer so I tried each and ever answer they had on the mulitple choice  and none of them worked, so I put 3, because it pissed me off.  But it was -3.  A little voice inside my head said, check the work you did already on the scratch paper, but did I listen to it? NO!  Of course I didn't.  Du!  If I had left that stupid -3 on the answer, I would have gotten 80% then I could go onto the next part.  But no. I freaked out!  I'm still pissed.  Why am I so mad?  Am I tired? Over worked? Having a mental breakdown?  Lisa says I bury too much inside.  Perhaps the volcano is just erupting. A small eruption, getting ready for the big one.